Somewhere between life and death

13 10 2010

Dream as if you’ll live forever, live as if you’ll die today – James Dean



Somewhere between life and death
. So it’s been an ‘interesting’ week of conversations this week. Just discussions with friends about different things ranging from marriage, life, death, relationships, amongst other things. Those were the ones that stood out the most to me… for obvious reasons. All between the darkness and light of the conversations, there’s came to me a few thoughts that I figured the blog could help me think aloud.

I first wanted to delve into ‘Death’. This came about when I spoke to a friend recently, about how her best guy friend had died recently in a plane accident. Of course I’m no good at comforting people, I’m much too ‘closed’ for that. We’re not exactly ‘close’. We see each other every now and then when our shifts clash. So when she told me… I was slightly taken aback, and I probably could have lent more of a consoling hand, but my way is to make people smile again. Not because she confided in me, but because it’s not a story you expect from a person you haven’t spoken to in over 2 months… or anyone really. It’s hard to imagine it really… one day you’re going about your your life normally, care free. Then the next you learn of a friend being torn out of your life, just like that, against the fabric of life. I can imagine it being emotionally overbearing, but can’t imagine how it would feel. I hope I never have to, but I hope he is at peace. I trully do. It is all we can do. And my heart does go out to her, and his friends and families.

Death’s a touchy topic. We all know know that one day… we will die. We know this from a very young age. We know we will die, whether it be when we are 80, or if something else  happens, and it splits the fabric of life. We joke about it. We laugh about it. We ready ourselfs for it. We know it will come. Why then.. are we shocked when it happens eventually? Why does it hit us so hard? And why is it so hard to deal with? Why.

I have questions.. but unfortunately there are no answers. I wish there were. But sometimes, the answers are lost in time and in death. I’ll admit, I’m not too familiar with death. I’ve never seen a dead body (in person). I’ve never witnessed a death. My grandmother did pass away 5 years ago, and that’s the closest I’ve encountered. I am still surprised to this day that I coped with that so well. That might have something to do with my walls I’ve built for years. Maybe they’re too well built. But you can’t just bring down a wall with a snap of the finger. It’s a brick by brick process. Maybe one day the walls will come down and I’ll learn to really feel again.

But till then…

It’s been a dark post, and I appologize for that. But sometimes, there are shadows behind the light.

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2 responses

20 10 2010
inidna

was meaning to read this earlier, but i just now got to it. and you know what, no matter how much death is a part of our lives and no matter how much we ‘expect’ death, it’s still always unexpected. i don’t think that will ever change. it only gets worse when it’s something that comes completely from left field. you know, i guess sometimes it takes something unexpected to break down your walls. you’d be surprised.

21 10 2010
Jubbin

Totally get what you mean. It just sucks when it happens, but it’s a part of the human process of life I suppose.

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